Yarn & Mayhem

prettyfnpoly:

but I feel like we don’t talk often enough about the negative impacts the culture that surrounds monogamous relationships can have on people of all relationship styles/orientations. 

monogamy culture will have you believe that it’s normal to be jealous and territorial over your partner and their interactions with other people - especially interactions with people that they could eventually develop a romantic/sexual interest in. 

monogamy culture will tell you that you are the only person your partner should ever show romantic/sexual interest in, and if your partner makes the mistake of developing feelings/attraction toward another person, it’s because you are not enough. 

monogamy culture will tell you that certain sacrifices must be made in order to build a life with another person, and if you aren’t keen to make those sacrifices for your partner, you are selfish and not ready for “real” commitment.

monogamy culture will tell you that relationships are only valuable if they are “going somewhere,” somewhere usually meaning lifelong commitment in the form of marriage or domestic partnership. if you aren’t ready to shack up, propose, have kids with, or make other commitments to someone whom you’ve been dating for an extended period of time, you are again considered selfish and not ready for a “real” relationship.

monogamy culture will tell you that one partner should satisfy most of your needs. the rest can be dealt with via compromise on your end. when you can no longer deal with having certain needs go unsatisfied, your only option is to end the current relationship and (usually) pursue someone else.

monogamy culture will tell you that there are certain things you must rely on your significant other for. they should be the most intimate relationship you have, the person you gain validation from, the person from whom you ask advice first, the ultra absolute most special person you’ve ever had in your life. if anyone else compares in the slightest, they are a threat to the relationship.

obviously not all monogamous couples exhibit these characteristics, because monogamy itself is not the problem. the problem is this weird, jealous, insecure, culture surrounding monogamy that is constantly perpetuated by the media and so much of society. 

ALL THIS. My husband happens to be the person with whom I have my most intimate relationship, as well as the person from whom I gain validation the most – because he’s one of my best friends (I’m poly in best-friendship, too; I have four best friends). I happen to be in love with another of my best friends, and we’ve dated for 12 years; we’re never going to live together or get married or anything like that, but I can’t imagine not loving him forever. My husband’s girlfriend who recently moved in with us is another of my best friends, and although the relationship between her & I isn’t sexual (and won’t be), it’s sort of romantic and definitely committed. These are all extremely REAL relationships.

(via polyamourthree)

chaoticlivi:

• don’t touch me
  
• wait, no, come back, i need snuggles
  
• that’s enough snuggles
• i want to be near you, please don’t leave me alone
• tch, it’s not like i happen to be in the same room as you all the time because i miss you
• “i got wet. this is the worst thing that’s ever happened”
  
• “why is this door closed? this door doesn’t need to be closed”
  
• “i need a nap.” “didn’t you just wake up 2 hours ago?” “yes but i could sleep for a week”
  
• (hisses)
• “i want food”
  
• “but not this food”
  
• (wanders around)

Mraow.

(via tastefullyoffensive)

littlegreyduck:

my-polylife-ramblings:

nightmarekite:

• Because when someone doesn’t want to date me because I’m poly it’s ‘understandable’ but when I don’t want to date someone because they are monogamous it’s ‘ridiculous.’
• Because all relationship advice tells you that if you have feelings for someone else while you’re in a relationship you’re a bad person.
• Because even feminists try to slut shame me.
• Because when I tell people me and my partner have an open relationship they assume it’s because we’re going through a rough patch.
• Because people equate ‘multiple partners’ with ‘predator’ and think everything I say is an attempt to get in their pants.
• Because I am fed up of love triangles as easy plot devices in my media.
• Because the LGBTQA+ movement are so desperate to show ‘allies’ they are ‘just like everyone else’ that they shit on everyone with a non-monogamous dynamic.
• Because when a monogamous couple have sex with each other every night it’s having an active sex drive. When I have sex with a different partner every night I’m a nymphomaniac.
• Because people think that monogamy = validity, always.
• Because monogamous hetronormativity is so ingrained that I don’t even feel like I can dance with someone without telling them the complete logistics of my love life.
• Because people genuinely believe that raising a child communally is damaging to development.
• Because when I say ‘I could never be monogamous’ I get dirty looks.
• Because too many people have tried to confide in me when they’re cheating because ‘I thought you, of all people, would understand.’
• Because I can’t talk about my relationship troubles with my monogamous friends because ‘I always have something to fall back on.’ As if my relationships are meaningless.

(please reblog and add more if you like)

Let’s keep adding guys!

I can identify with a few of these, yeah…

Sure, I can identify with some of these, and I sympathize with those who are sick of dealing with these things. But I honestly don’t give a rat’s ass if people think these things about me. If you’re my friend, you get over these attitudes (if you ever had them in the first place). If you’re not my friend, my romantic/sex life is none of your business.

(via littlegreyduck)